happy holidays???

so i'm amazed at the prices of things.
1 manicure = $15
a mani/pedi = $40
1 venti drink from starbucks = $6

we're doing a needs drive at work
del-monte canned goods are on sale at Kroger for .49 cents a can
5lb bags of flour for $2
3lb bags of sugar for $2

I just spent $11 and got 12 rolls of toilet paper, 6 bars of Ivory Soap, 2 tubes of toothpaste, 1 bag of flour.

sigh....even I fail and fall into the trap of consumerism and forget that there are some things that are luxuries to others, like having toilet paper and soap. the lady infront of me at the grocery store swiped her card and couldn't buy the toilet paper she needed. talk about being humbled. needless to say, no starbucks or happy hour at sonic for me this month.

summer trips

it's been quite hectic lately. well it is summer and that's expected in the world of teenagers. the summer sex series for the senior high went lovely. as did flocking and welcoming our new senior pastor.
now to move on to starting up our new junior high confirmation and the narrative of Jesus for the fall.
here are some pictures from our mission trip.

degrading & demeaning pop-culture

being of the world and being of the church are two different things. being transformed by the renewing of our spirit is different than conforming to the world...that said

tuesday i was accessories browsing w/ my good friend april and we entered a popular teen accessories store in hopes of finding a headband for me to wear in my wedding. at the front of the store, next to the register, about rib height there was a shelf of flasks. they were lepoard print, glittered and one read "biatch" in pink glittery lettering. There was also a disclaimer that read "we do not support or condone underage drinking"

LIKE HELL YOU DON'T. a store who's target market is between the ages of 7-16, that sells flasks.

on a local radio morning show they were talking about how this popular and over priced store was being sued because their sister tween store was marketing a padded push up bikini top. this store is primarily marketed to tweens (ranging again from 8-12). this is insane.

then for the billionth time i heard riahanna's s&m on the radio AND my students were talking about it at church.

thank you pop culture and how you are trying to turn all of our children into sexualized drunks by the time they can drive....

after i retire to my couch to read my mail...i opened my designer underwear catalog to see if they have any sweet sales...i notice their teen line and the sleepwear. surprisingly it's appropriate. sleep shirts, tank tops and sleep shorts.
EXCEPT for the writing.
"let's get naked", "get naked with me", "stay the night" amongst other things....

we (respectable people...) are fighting a losing battle with culture. our world at this rate will turn into the whores of Babylon all over again.

my mom used to tell me i looked like a hussy if i wore tank tops or showed my shoulders in general. i used to roll my eyes at her, as i am sure kids do now a days when we mention they should not wear shorts that are so short the pockets are hanging out the bottoms or if they have something vulgar written across their chest.
i am perfectly sure that at least some of the girls that are wearing these...messages are not fully aware of the impact they have.
much like i am sure that our kids are not aware that when they watch trash like jersey shore or teen mom that they are becoming immune to the culture and are starting to think of it as 'normal'

....i wish pushing the limit and reaching for shock value were not the norms.
I wish we could just all be respectable people encouraging the building up of people and the spirit of God.

...it's a uphill battle and i've got my gloves ready.

the arrogance of authority: power in the church

man it's been awhile since i've posted. we've been wrapping up the semester for seminary and of course there's planning stuff for spring break and having meetings with parents for the summer mission trip.
march >me, my assignments have been lack luster, i've had 4-5 special (as in something other than regular wed/sun worship) events in march...on top of spring sports starting (soccer, tennis, parlay team)
I plan on taking a vacay after Holy Week....sometime adam and i will be planning our wedding (that's so weird to say)

i wrote this for an assignment for class, but i'm finding that i need to remind myself of this....

There are a lot of times in youth ministry where we as the youth minister, especially those of us who are in our first few years of ministry, think that we must be able to plan and execute every event, meeting, retreat, and fundraiser our selves and that we are the only ones that can can get anything done properly. Well after all we have been to many conventions, workshops and some of us have degrees or some form of training. By all means this means we are the only people that can make ministry happen. Only us youth ministers can make ministry happen, why after all it's a divine calling.

I am reminded of an e-mail a parent sent me, intended to brighten my day, when instead it brought much insight to my life:

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked with an old rancher.

He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !"

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !!

No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!!"

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.

The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....

"Your badge, show him your BADGE........ ! !"

Yes, yes, we all get a laugh, but a lot of times youth ministry is a lot like this. How many times have we responded in a less than Christian way to other members/committees in the churches we work in after we have been told no to a submitted request? What do you mean we can't take bus there? What do you mean we can't attend that church camp? Do you know who I am?I am the youth minister and I will take the church bus and the kids where I know is best for them. Who are you? You're just a chair on the finance committee, do you even know what summer camp is?

After all I have had training and I am in seminary. I should know what is best.

Before our arrogant outburst we didn't think to ask if the bus had recently had an oil change, if the compressor was working, if another group had reserved it first. We didn't think to ask people who had been in the church longer than we have if our church had been banned from the summer camp due to inappropriate exposure from previous years.

There are legitimate reasons for no. It's not that anyone is stepping on the lowly youth minister, it's not that the people of the church think they know better than we do, sometimes they genuinely do. There become times where we as youth ministers over- accredit ourselves and ministry becomes about what we as the minister want instead of what the ministry needs. We get so emerged in our role, so engulfed in the power of making decisions for others that we lose sight of ministry.

After reading Henry Nowen's book, In the Name of Jesus, I began to realize, yes, to some people it may mean something great that you have attended the national youth worker's convention for the past 24 years and that you have graduated from the top seminary in the nation with a 4.0, but none of that matters if you are not working on your own spirituality.

When we spend time worrying about "selling ourselves" with our earthly accomplishments in ministry instead of sharing with God in ministry we put ourselves and our desires above God's. We forget, or push aside our own spiritual well-being.

Nowen has reminded me that it is God who heals the broken, and not Lauren. It is Lauren that needs God and not the other way around.The church and the youth ministry will still survive with or without me.

Youth Ministry will continue without Lauren, so I need to stop being so full of myself, because just when I feel like I have accomplished a lot, just when I think I have something else to add to my resume, I think of the ONE who accomplished the ultimate sacrifice, who fulfilled the ultimate goal, the ONE who took on our burdens and sins. Christ is the one who should be lifted up and glorified, not me

a destroyed love: the damages of divorce

i have come to realize that i have been blessed with the spiritual gift of being emotionally balanced. maybe this is a poor way to word this...
this term in seminary we are learning about trauma and crisis counseling. we are learning the rights we have as pastors (legally) and learning how to deal with these situations.

recently i have had a very dear friend come to me. they have discovered that their spouse has been cheating on them for the duration of their marriage. the spouse has put themselves into counseling and my friend is distraught and utterly devastated. the friend's mom instantly suggested that my friend come to see me. i too am shocked and don't know what to do other than to be there.

i guess sometimes that's all you can really do, is to be there.
however this is a difficult situation. most of the time my students that are going through a difficult time may question God...which is better than denying God exists at all. or denying that there is a superior being looking out and caring for their well being.

the difficulty here with my friend and their spouse is that neither are believers.

i don't believe in divorce, however...this has been a re-occurring behavior. i am not in this friend's shoes but i don't think i would have ended up in this situation. i would have dismissed this opportunity to love if i did not trust or if there was ever speculation of dishonesty.

i understand the spouse is undergoing counseling for this destructive behavior but i think in this situation divorce may be necessary for both parties involved.

sigh....the struggles of life.

the calling

working for a church i am all to familiar about preaching about people discerning their call. answering God's call for their life, urging them to serve, love and be of service.

never in my life have i been more sure that i am doing exactly what God has called me to do. the passion burns deeply. the love. the joy. the fulfillment. the completeness. the feeling of devoted service.

i.love.youth.ministry.
whatever happened to that fashion degree of mine?

new semester

man this semester is starting off with a pow! i thought for sure since i had completed the reading prior to the intensive and that since i had planned out the year's activities for the students in advance that FOR SURE this year would be less stressful....NOT the case.

i found out today via fb that one of the guys that used to play ball in the gym i formerly managed passed away. he was 17.

i feel overwhelmed by a few of the assignments and the tasks ahead of me in the process of repairing the youth group at the current church i am serving.

may the grace of God consume me.

the joy of teenagers and the importance of placing your doubts & fears before the Lord

last night was our youth christmas party. everyone brought food and the 'coolest thing you can find for $1'

it was FANTASTIC. i've been so stressed lately with all the deadlines for school that i almost rushed past the simplicity of fun.
my worries started to ease after i got to hang out with my area group from seminary...for dinner and a light show, then we had the youth christmas party, where we exchanged gifts and i got to play cards, which was absolutely delightful. (card playing was def my favorite part of missing my plane to orlando)
<-the guys from seminary

after i got home that evening gifts in tow (the youth got me coffee and house warming stuff...i was in utter shock) i started to make soup and was thinking...wow, that was wonderful, thank you God.

The past 4-6 weeks we have been studying about sacred space, but truthfully I have been so stressed out trying to complete all the readings, lectures, papers, and meditations that the sacredness was lost. i feel the warmth of Christmas...finally. because of this...i just couldn't help but laugh and love.

cookies with santa

you would think i would be more excited about this than i am.
it's an annual thing they do here at the church.

however, the youth will be discussing the importance of Christmas and what it means to them. via photo scavenger hunt.
i will post the results. maybe i'll bake them cookies anyway...fresh ones that have not been frozen (who freezes cookies...really?, santa might have some bowl trouble later tonight)

holiday happenings

well we had thanksgiving and my birthday w/ my family this year. it went well. as i was about to go to bed the evening of my birthday i found out my dog has died. please be in prayer for my parents for he was their company and he was such a good and very well loved dog.
r.i.p. bear

on another note this guy that used to participate in the men's basketball league's that i was a part of as rec. dir. shot his ex. gf and himself thursday evening. so pray for those families as well.

childhood photos

(just for reference scott made the title)

so scott's home and tall enough to reach the family photos box on the top shelf of his closet. so guess who's looking through boy-hood photos of her fiance...

i hope our babies turn out equally as cute and that i can restrain myself from coo'ing excessively so over them.

on another note, my birthday is saturday...i'm getting old. i'm well on my way to 30 now. (all of you who read my blog that are over 30 i'm sorry.) it's not that i'm old but at least when you're like 21 or 22 you're still considered 'young', now i'm considered an 'adult'.

i love my kids

1
i'm blessed. i just finished a weekend retreat w/ my senior high youth. granted i know they are not my biological children i love them so dearly.
they finally got to meet adam and adam got to meet them. on the way home adam told me 'you know you have some good kids'...i tilted my very drowsy head towards him, smiled and said 'i know'.

i love my job.

sex in the city

so i went to visit my friend taylor saturday, who is now an army wife and is going to be deployed to korea in january. i met taylor my freshman year of college. we lived on the same floor in the community bathroom in our dorm.
i liked her slippers and we've been friends ever since. anyway i borrowed her complete series of sex in the city. we used to watch it together. apparently i've changed quite a bit since then b/c the more and more i watch this show the more and more i get upset at carrie and well the show in general.

i just finished watching the episode where Charlotte discovers that carrie is the other woman and is in fact sleeping w/ big still. here is carrie, with a man that loves her and treats her well and wants the best for and she's torn!!!!
torn?!! i feel like i've waited my entire life to not only find a man like adam, but to find a man that wonderful that would return the affection.

carrie likes to think of herself as a independent woman of power, but in reality she seems to just be a pathetic woman who feels like all she has to offer a man is sex and isn't content unless sex is all a man wants from her.

dumb woman.

so, now then i present a separate question all together. what exactly qualifies as love, longing and devotion?
how does this differ from independence or obsession with your significant other?

a special breed

not to say we're anything special...but i really think grad school people are of a special breed. not to be biased and say us seminary students are but it's insane.

here i am procrastinating on my paper, planning a retreat, planning an agape feast/celebration/ending to our 'to save a life' bible study...and i'm talking to my fellow class mates.
most of us are wrapping up one of the 3 papers...but not both. mind you they are due 10 a.m. on friday. we have a formation practicum that was sent to us this morning that's due w/ reflection on thursday which is 2 days from now and one of my buddies preached sunday on top of all of us (memphis ppl) taking our kids to a concert....

we're all insane. and why do we do it?.....love. b/c we love it. we love our jobs, we love our kids, we love our creator.
sure we complain about it all the time...but we love it.
....maybe

non - wedding planning

maybe i should be more excited about planning my wedding, but i'm more apathetic. maybe it has to do w/ the excessive amount of weddings adam and i have attended the last 2-3 years. we'll be getting married in 2012, which apparently everyone thinks that's the end of time....(no play on words here in relation to the world ending...people think 2 yrs to be engaged is too long) i just want to do it right and the way i want to.
i mean i've always said i wanted to elope, but adam's such a romantic. i will admit i am excited for him to see me in that dress. i look hot. (not trying to sound vain).

and i've found nothing more annoying than people asking me about when the wedding is and commenting on how far away it is....how miserable that must be.
well considering adam and i are both working on our master's degrees and working....it's not like we have a ton of time for planning or each other either.
i wish people would just stop judging me and asking me about the wedding. i mean i'm sure it's some high or thrill for some people to be the star of the day but i personally don't like that much attention.

on another note, i'm taking my students on a retreat this weekend. it should be fun.



on another note...i should be writing 3 12 page papers...so i'm gonna have to sign off now. i just needed a break.
<3

jack!!

finally a picture of my soon to be (but not soon enough) father-in-law. i figured since i talk about him all the time i would post a picture. this is from the wilderness weekend adam took me on to their farm.

s'mores cupcakes

i did it! i did it! i did it!!!!!
w/ the help of my friend april, but i did it!
and from what i can tell the kids love it as did adam!!!!

adam even dared to say (they rival muddy's....even better) ha! take that goodness of muddy's!

on a side note, i got my flu shot today. the prick didn't hurt but the goo going in me did feel a tad bit thick.

a devoted love

there are a few things i love more than baking.....
they would be my job (which sometimes involves baking), God, and of course adam.

but recently i have found recipes and designs that are far beyond my baking abilities. i being the well prepared youth worker that i am (ha ha ha...no seriously this time i was) decided to spend my free time on baking websites. (yes i know i'm a nerd) and i will share this next cupcake with you then i will get to my point of devoted love....while i am quite devoted to baking i am speaking of another matter.
(all cupcake pictures are property of ak cupcakes)


so recently i have had a good handful of friends talk to me about divorce (all newly married...and by newly married i mean less than 10 years) and i have recently had a good friend become un-engaged, and it makes me think. don't get me wrong i know there are valid reasons for getting divorces, but it just seems that people aren't willing to tough it through the nitty gritty anymore.
i love adam. it's not always easy but i love him. trust me esp while i'm pms'ing there are times when i'm like WILL YOU PLEASE STOP TALKING LIKE A BOOK AND TALK TO ME LIKE A NORMAL PUBLIC SCHOOL EDUCATED PERSON, but i love him.

maybe it's out of my realm of understanding. it just makes my heart ache a little bit when people give up on love.
Christ has never once stopped loving us, he loved us before we came into being, and if we are modeling our lives after Christ....sigh
I wish life really were as simple as cupcakes and cookies, and that people were not flawed. I hate that people hurt and cause hurt.

<3 i'm just a lover with a glass half full of milk, a heart filled with joy, and an oven filled w/ cake.

actively loving

so Christ teaches us that we're supposed to love without condition, and how many times do we treat people different? and Christ clearly says, thank you for feeding me when I was hungry and clothing me when I was naked, but he also says where were you when I was hungry and where were you when I was naked....everything we do, good or bad we do in the name of Christ. we are his representatives here on earth.

I have had the luxury of having many friends and I have served in several ministry positions but yesterday I encountered the kind of Christ love I have been speaking about for years.
Recently my car engine has died...well I have had the joy of hitching a ride w/ my dear class mate jason.

He serves a church out in Covington, which is the next town over.
anyway this man in my church noticed i was standing in the parking lot waiting on jason to come pick me up for class last thursday, so he tells me that i should not have to rely on others to get around....and to give him a call when i get back from class and he would take me to his house to get a car, that i could....borrow.

I am over-whelmed with joy....but it gets better, this has not been this gentleman's service and he's not through....on my way to a presby campus leadership team meeting I am on the interstate and my tire blows....shreads of rubber are flying and i get over as soon as possible.
I am sure that i need to call this gentleman and that he will be furious at me. Instead he calls one of his friends who's in the area to check on me.


I have called a tow company (the same guy that towed me that night i had the encounter with the drunk driver )and the tow guy tows me off the interstate and changes my tire for me (and does not charge me, how blessed i am), the gentleman who lent me the car's friend stays and makes sure i get rolling safely.
The gentleman who owns the car then proceeded to pick the car up this morning and get a new tire for it, and then promptly returned the car to me.
No angry words, or frustration, just hospitality.
I told him i was amazed at his hospitality and generosity. I have only been at my church now for 3 months....and he's entrusted me with his car AND something went wrong and he fixed it.
He went out of his way to be a good Samaritan.

I know this is how Christ has called us to be. To seek and tend after those in need, but the sad reality is that we are not doing this. We see those in need and sure we help them, but only when it's easy for us. I am amazed at the lovingkindness that this gentleman has shown and it has warmed my heart.

I wish for myself, and for you, that you are not only touched by this but that it changes you. Many a times we teach our youth about life lessons but rarely do we act out on them. I did not reach out to this gentleman for help, he reached out to help me.

We need seek to love those who need it, not just love those who seek our love.
Bless you brother jay.

excitement

so in a whirlwind of excitement about the new series i am conducting with my youth (to save a life...it's going to be pretty epic)

i have fallen behind in my studies



sadly this does not upset me nearly as much as it frustrates me.
i came back exhausted from intensive retreat no.2 in brentwood, to present youth sunday then to write a paper (cough just completed a day late cough) and to have discussion group and to figure out if i'm going to buy a car for adam and i or just adam.

captain z told us that 1. we are not cymj(obs) nor are we to be negative to bring eachother down...
however...not that i feed off the negativity, but it is encouraging when others are not succeeding on an equal level of my lack of success. not that i am seeking validation for my laziness or frustration with the materials BUT....
it aids me in knowing i am not so far on the totem pole.

basically i don't look at our whining and complaining about the stuff we do for class or lack of stuff we do as negative but as a way we can compare ourselves to one another....in a way we are helping one another (no not helping one another slack off) but to feel confidant that they too are normal that yes this is a lot of material and yes it is hard.
no you are not a dum-dum.

:-D